I will be out of the office starting  2003-05-19 and will not return until 2003
-05-27.

I will respond to your message when I return.

Jancsi es Juliska nezegetnek egy muveszettorteneti konyvet. Meglatjak
Romolus es Remus fenykepet, amint a farkastol szopnak. Juliska felhaborodik:
- Mit csinalt a gyerekek anyukaja, miert nem szolt rajuk, hogy nem szabad?
Jancsi elgondolkozva nezi a kepet:
- Biztos o fenykepezett.

> Az elet olyan, mint a WC-papir. Minel kozelebb ersz a vegehez,
> annal gyorsabban fogy.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

- A felesegem ma egy csomo ember eletet mentette meg.
- Nocsak hogyan ?
- Nem birta beinditani a kocsit.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

> Egyenkent a lavina hopelyhei is artatlanok...

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

 Egy gyonyoru no utazik a repulogepen. Eppen kinez az ablakon, amikor
bekiabal
 neki egy ejtoernyos:
 - Nem jossz velem, szivi?
 A no, sertodotten elfordul, nem vesz tudomast a zaklatasrol.
 - Kar, pedig en vagyok a pilota - hangzott kintrol a valasz.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

> Gondolkodom, tehat vagyok! - mondta a rendor es eltunt.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

- Figyelj, Aranka, egyet mondok ketto lesz belole!
- Ugyan, Bela, tegnap kettot mondtal es egy sem lett belole.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

> Az igazi ferfiak nem pazaroljak hajnovesztesre a hormonjaikat.

Ha a komuves kobol hazakat epit es az aranymuves aranybol ekszereket 
keszit, akkor mit csinal a kezmuves?

Szegedi Ga'bor (gaborsz at tin.it, http://gszegedi.freeweb.hu)
Vannak allitasok, melyek igazak, de megsem fedik a valosagot.

> Hatalmas matrica, fűnyírón: "Vigyázat, ha a motor megy, a karok forognak"
>
> Figyelmeztetés hajsütővason: "Ne dugja semmilyen testnyílásba"
>
> A Coca Cola üveg alján: "Itt nem nyitható"
>
> Egy cseh cumisüvegen: "Ha a gyerek befejezte a szopást, töltse tele forró
> vízzel és sikálja ki egy kefével"
>
> Egy festékpermetező flakonon: "Ne permetezze az arcára"
>
> Fürdőkád tisztítószeren: "A legjobb eredményért kezdje tiszta
fürdőkáddal."
>
> Öngyújtón: "Vigyázat! Tartalma gyúlékony!"
>
> Egy doboz szögön: "Vigyázat! Ne nyelje le a szögeket. Irritálhatják a
> szervezetet."
>
> Cimke a hajszárítón: "Ne száritsa a hajat álmában."
>
> Egy narancslés üveg matricájának hátán: "Ne vegye le a matricát."
>
> Szőnyegtisztítón: "Biztonságos szőnyegre is"
>
> Fogamzásgátló tabletta dobozán: Vedd a kezedbe egyik dobozt. Észreveszed,
> hogy két különböző oldala van. A pirulák az átlátszó műanyag oldalon
vannak.
>
> Egy üvegdíszeket tartalmazó doboz alján: "Ne fordítsa meg a dobozt"
>
> Narancslén: "100% tiszta természetes narancsból nyomott lé,
koncentrátumból"

Get be PAID to:

Eat FREE in famous restaurants.

Fly FREE on national airlines.

Stay FREE at expensive hotel chains.

You get PAID and receive FREE meals, products, and 
services from big name, recognized companies for 
your opinion because we need Professional Business 
Evaluators!  

Call for FREE details 

212 - 479 - 0870

A Professional Business Person is waiting for your 
call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including 
Sundays and holidays.

The English Language

Having chosen English as the preferred language, the European
Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving
efficiency in communications between Government departments. European
officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
unnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through
and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes
to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be
administered by a committee staff at top level by participating
nations.

In the first year, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of
the soft 'c'. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both
letters are pronounsed alike, and the voiced 's' is to be replased by
'z'. Then we kould eazily shrink 'ch' to 'c'. Sertainly, sivil
servants in all sities would resieve this cange with joy and this
would klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers.

There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, when it
kould be announsed to get rid of that the shifty 'h'. Just as with the
'ch' all the other combinations like 'th', 'ph', 'sh' and 'gh' could
be cropped alike. The troublesome 'ph' and would henseforth be written
'f'. The silent 'gh' is needless while the rest could go for 'g'. Next
step is the replacing of voiced 'th' by 'd' and the voiceless 'th' by
't'. Last step de 'w' and 'wh' are to be written as 'v' and 'w' . Dis
would make words like 'fotograf', 'weder', 'veader', 'trou' or 'gost'
twenty persent sorter in print.

In de tird year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reac the stage were more komplikated canges are possible.
Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters, wich have
always been a deterent to akurate speling. We would al agre dat de
horible mes of silent 'e's in de languag is disgrasful. Az vel az de
concealed 'l', 'k' 't' or 'v' wic ar al to be cleard. Derefor we koud
drop des and kontinu to read and rit as tough noting had hapend.

By dis tim it would be four yearz sins the skem began and peopl woud
start aknoledge de ne rulz and bekom reseptive to furder steps. Dis
tim ve koud start to handle ambiguilty of vowels, starting vit
replasing vovel 'y' by 'i'. Sortli after dis, de unesesari 'o' koud be
dropd from words kontaining 'ou' and 'eo' from 'eou' , wil 'e' kuld
replase 'ea'. Similar arguments wud of kors be aplid to oder
kombinations of leters.

Kontinuing dis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli
sensibl riten stil. After tventi yerz der vud be no mor trubls,
difikultis and evrivun vud find it ezi tu undestand ec oder. De drems
of de Govement vud finali hav kum tru.

The English Language

Having chosen English as the preferred language, the European
Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving
efficiency in communications between Government departments. European
officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
unnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through
and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes
to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be
administered by a committee staff at top level by participating
nations.

In the first year, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of
the soft 'c'. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both
letters are pronounsed alike, and the voiced 's' is to be replased by
'z'. Then we kould eazily shrink 'ch' to 'c'. Sertainly, sivil
servants in all sities would resieve this cange with joy and this
would klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers.

There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, when it
kould be announsed to get rid of that the shifty 'h'. Just as with the
'ch' all the other combinations like 'th', 'ph', 'sh' and 'gh' could
be cropped alike. The troublesome 'ph' and would henseforth be written
'f'. The silent 'gh' is needless while the rest could go for 'g'. Next
step is the replacing of voiced 'th' by 'd' and the voiceless 'th' by
't'. Last step de 'w' and 'wh' are to be written as 'v' and 'w' . Dis
would make words like 'fotograf', 'weder', 'veader', 'trou' or 'gost'
twenty persent sorter in print.

In de tird year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reac the stage were more komplikated canges are possible.
Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters, wich have
always been a deterent to akurate speling. We would al agre dat de
horible mes of silent 'e's in de languag is disgrasful. Az vel az de
concealed 'l', 'k' 't' or 'v' wic ar al to be cleard. Derefor we koud
drop des and kontinu to read and rit as tough noting had hapend.

By dis tim it would be four yearz sins the skem began and peopl woud
start aknoledge de ne rulz and bekom reseptive to furder steps. Dis
tim ve koud start to handle ambiguilty of vowels, starting vit
replasing vovel 'y' by 'i'. Sortli after dis, de unesesari 'o' koud be
dropd from words kontaining 'ou' and 'eo' from 'eou' , wil 'e' kuld
replase 'ea'. Similar arguments wud of kors be aplid to oder
kombinations of leters.

Kontinuing dis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli
sensibl riten stil. After tventi yerz der vud be no mor trubls,
difikultis and evrivun vud find it ezi tu undestand ec oder. De drems
of de Govement vud finali hav kum tru.

Gabi